Sunday, July 15, 2012

How to Deal with Passgengers...

An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in  Denver for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with  a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo. For all of you out there  who have had to deal with an irate customer, this one is for you!

A  crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was re-booking a  long line of inconvenienced travelers.

Suddenly, an angry passenger  pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, "I  HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."

The agent  replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to  help these folks first; and then I'm sure we'll be able to work something  out."

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the  passengers behind him could hear, “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I  AM?"

Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public  address microphone.  "May I have your attention, please?", she began, her  voice heard clearly throughout the terminal.

"We have a passenger here  at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS.  If anyone can help him find his  identity, please come to Gate 14".

With the folks behind him in line  laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth,  and said,  "F***  you".
Without flinching, she smiled and  said,  "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to get in line for that,  too."

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Sexual Advisor to the Captain

Last week on a layover I had someone ask me in the bar, what I did.
I said, "I'm a pilot."

"What? You're the captain?"

"No, the first officer."

"So you're not the pilot?"

"I am a pilot."

"But I thought you said you weren't the captain."

"The first officer is a pilot too. Both the first officer and the captain are pilots."

"I know what a captain does, but what does a first officer do?"

Oh God. Seriously?  I'd been drinking a little bit so I told him, "The first officer is the sexual adviser to the Captain."

He said, "What?" Choking on his drink, and spraying me.

I smiled sweetly, and wiped my face with the back of my hand. "Yeah," I said. "The Captain always says, 'If I want any fucking advice from you, I'll ask for it!"