Sunday, December 30, 2012

Happy Holidays!

It has been reported that due to the negative impact the Great Recession has had on economies all over the world, this Christmas, Santa Claus only had two “Ho’s”, not three as is the custom.

Additionally, it was reported, that if the recession deepens further or the recovery continues at its current slow rate, in 2013 Santa might have to do with only one.

Either way… one Ho is better than no Ho.

Happy New Year!

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Dirty Joke Movie

OMG... Some are bad, but some are really funny. 

I apologize if this offends anyone...
Definitely not Politically correct. 
And... some of these jokes I would never repeat. 

Please plug your ears on some and laugh at the others. 


Monday, September 24, 2012

What Is the Meaning Of Pressurization?

I try not to talk politics or religion in the cockpit. But sometimes there are things can't be passed up... especially if there is a plane involved. Seriously I can't make this stuff up.

Romney Doesn’t Understand Why You Can’t Roll Down Windows On A Plane

On Monday, Mitt Romney offered a remedy to the problem that caused his wife’s airplane to land prematurely last week: Allow passengers to roll down the airplane windows.

Ann Romney’s plane was grounded Friday after the main cabin filled with smoke. The small electrical fire caused no injuries, but apparently did cause the Presidential candidate to forget the dangers of altitude.

“When you have a fire in an aircraft, there’s no place to go, exactly,” he told the LA Times. “And you can’t find any oxygen from outside the aircraft to get in the aircraft, because the windows don’t open. I don’t know why they don’t do that. It’s a real problem.”

Maybe we should explain to Romney about the lack of oxygen at altitude, and the concept of pressurization. Or we could send him out on a private jet and let him open the door for the big picture concept. They say it's worth a thousand words.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

How to Deal with Passgengers...

An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in  Denver for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with  a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo. For all of you out there  who have had to deal with an irate customer, this one is for you!

A  crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was re-booking a  long line of inconvenienced travelers.

Suddenly, an angry passenger  pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, "I  HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."

The agent  replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to  help these folks first; and then I'm sure we'll be able to work something  out."

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the  passengers behind him could hear, “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I  AM?"

Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public  address microphone.  "May I have your attention, please?", she began, her  voice heard clearly throughout the terminal.

"We have a passenger here  at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS.  If anyone can help him find his  identity, please come to Gate 14".

With the folks behind him in line  laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth,  and said,  "F***  you".
Without flinching, she smiled and  said,  "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to get in line for that,  too."

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Sexual Advisor to the Captain

Last week on a layover I had someone ask me in the bar, what I did.
I said, "I'm a pilot."

"What? You're the captain?"

"No, the first officer."

"So you're not the pilot?"

"I am a pilot."

"But I thought you said you weren't the captain."

"The first officer is a pilot too. Both the first officer and the captain are pilots."

"I know what a captain does, but what does a first officer do?"

Oh God. Seriously?  I'd been drinking a little bit so I told him, "The first officer is the sexual adviser to the Captain."

He said, "What?" Choking on his drink, and spraying me.

I smiled sweetly, and wiped my face with the back of my hand. "Yeah," I said. "The Captain always says, 'If I want any fucking advice from you, I'll ask for it!"

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Airline Profit Center

First food. Then luggage. What next? Another Airline Profit Center is in the wind...

From reliable sources... Airbus and Boeing are conducting feasibility studies on building the next generation airplanes with pay lavatories. What once was operated with coins, the new doors will be designed with the utilization of credit card machines.

The current challenge appears to be with Federal Aviation Administration certification process and the price. While some inspectors are under the assumption that urgency and whether or not the person needs to take a dump, or just pee, should be addressed. Regardless, we can assure you that we will never see the 10 cent rates as we did in the old days. Anticipate $1.99 for entry. What you do inside is your option.


Piggy-backing is prohibited and will be monitored. 
If you intend on having friend join you, 
your card will be charged double.

For emergency access, or to see what the couple ahead of you are doing in there together, you can unlock the lavatory by lifting the metal thingy and sliding the bar beneath.

Pay Toilets... just another way the airlines are here to serve you.

Monday, June 4, 2012

Customer Service

One of my good friends is a Boeing instructor. She just sent me this message concerning a really screwed up way to run a business.

Delta Air Lines lost her bag... Expensive ticket... and the baggage manager argued with her over reimbursement of a $9 parking ticket.

All she wanted was $9 for her parking.

The manager said she could not pay her for parking, because they didn't have a process to do that. But they were willing to send her bags to Canada.... Doesn't make sense to me.

"My ticket was nearly $8,000.00 US issued through Boeing travel.  My routing home was Baku Paris Amsterdam Seattle.  Both my connections were greater than 2 hours. 

I spent 3 hours there waiting for the bag after it was not expedited properly as the tag was clearly labeled. The bags did not get transferred to the Amsterdam flight in Paris. 

If they were not able to get my bag to me Saturday afternoon they would have had to expedite it to me via a Kenmore air charter to the Princess Louisa Inlet, where I was headed. The charter would have cost them from 3,000 to $5,000.00.  Kind of short sighted of the manager not to realize that I was asking very little to make the situation outcome work best for both of our benefit.

This is the photo of the baggage customer service rep, Aurich, who tried to help with my lost bag and reimbursement for my 9 dollar parking fee. She gave me 10 dollars to cover the parking when her manager Georgina Murphy was not helpful or willing to figure out how to reimburse me for parking. 

 Aurich also gave me a meal voucher while I waited.  

It was clear to me Aurich was more qualified then either of the two supervisors acting as managers both  from a customer and employee stand point.  I hope they consider Aurich for promotion in they near future as I observed her as the most effective employee in the baggage office during my encounter over two days. "  K.S.

I'm thinking that Delta should give huge kudos to Aurich for doing the right thing. And... maybe create a procedure for management to think outside the box a little. I know the Boeing instructors get to choose what airlines they travel on, and these aren't cheap tickets. 

Message from me: 

Airlines, it is time to do a little sucking up to your customers. Not fight them for parking after they've been inconvenienced because you lost their bags. I'm just sayin.... 

What is wrong with this picture?

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Applications for Boyfriend...

What are friends for? 

Apparently book two is in process... Flight For Safety... and I can hardly wait to read it. K.P. the brilliant author of Flight For Control is giving me a new boyfriend.  On twitter I said I was accepting applications. The question was asked, "How do I apply?"

So guys, here's the deal....

Follow my blog. 

Then, in 100 words or less, tell me why you would like to be my heart-throb. If past equals future, I'm thinking there might be some steamy scenes in the next book, too. 

Ladies: If you know someone who would be great... let me know. I'm all in for the matchmaking game. Remember... friends don't let friends date creeps. 

I'm thinking, the best response might get to share some pages with me in Flight For Safety. Oh... and if you put your name down, and I pass it on, you are giving full permission to be in Flight For Safety. 

P.S. It's really pathetic when the most action you get is in between the pages of a fictional novel. But I will take what we can get. Especially chapter 4. 
My personal favorite. 

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

DAL T/A ... Not as Adverstised.

Did someone buy off the ALPA MEC?  Appears they're not acting in their membership's best interest. Or are they?

I've just read a little bit of the T/A over at Delta, and it's not as pretty as they say. Marketing isn't everything when you don't have a product of substance. They are rushing this contract into play, when it's not due until January. Two weeks to have an agreement is ridiculous. Why the rush?

DAL management needs this contract signed to lease the 717 Aircraft from SWA. But why is ALPA rushing this through? Something is stinking in the wind.

This is the time to stand strong. 
Set the industry standard for the rest of us.

Despite the majority, not all ALPA reps approves. Detroit voted NO. As did one of the ALPA Captain Representatives from Seattle.  He says....

1.       The pilots gave us their direction through surveys, emails and phone calls.  That direction was not met by this T/A.
2.       The MEC gave the Negotiators direction directly.  That direction was not met by this T/A.
3.       I do not believe that this T/A is the best we could have obtained given the state of our airline or the business plan we expect our management team to have in mind. (opinion)
4.       The concept of “the pilots should get to decide” implies that the MEC has done their best job and is sending on the best deal.  I don’t believe that was done.

What I don't like is the fact they are taking 5% of these pilot's profit sharing. Chevy' Chases Christmas Vacation comes to mind when Frank Shirley cancelled Clark's Christmas Bonus. You just don't go there. Profit sharing should not be taken away. The Oil refinery, new planes... profits are going to be huge. Don't you think employees should share the wealth?

Delta say's they're all about the People. I'm just sayin... don't mess with profit sharing.  From a psychological aspect...a bad, bad, move. Seriously Mr. Anderson... don't be a Dick. Take care of your people, and they'll take care of you.

Cool commercial BTW.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

US Air and American?

Who in the world thinks that US Air and American merger is a good idea?

  • American ate TWA and stapled their young to the bottom of the list. 
  • Not Nice Boys!
  • UsAir didn't like what came down the path with America West, and decided to pull from the union. 
  • Not playing if things don't go your way? 


I'm just sayin... combing these two groups of pilots together is like asking the Joker to play nice with Batman. Some things just don't work. And whatever happens to American and USAir, they probably deserve. Everything that goes around, comes around.
Don't ya think?

Love to hear your thoughts on the subject...Maybe someone should beat the stupid out of all of them.

Friday, May 11, 2012

Stupid Says as Stupid Does

Some minister says we should beat the gay out of our kids at the first sign of gayness...

I say we should beat the stupid out of Politicians, Airline Executives, Employers, Employees, and whomever else shows signs of stupid behavior...including that minister.


[stoo-pid, styoo] Show IPA adjective, stu·pid·er, stu·pid·est, noun
1. lacking ordinary quickness and keenness of mind; dull.
2. characterized by or proceeding from mental dullness; foolish; senseless: a stupid question.
3. tediously dull, especially due to lack of meaning or sense; inane; pointless: a stupid party.
4. annoying or irritating; troublesome: Turn off that stupid radio.
5. in a state of stupor; stupefied: stupid from fatigue.

Who is in your life would you like to beat the stupid out of?