Happy Holidays!

It has been reported that due to the negative impact the Great Recession has had on economies all over the world, this Christmas, Santa Claus only had two “Ho’s”, not three as is the custom.

Additionally, it was reported, that if the recession deepens further or the recovery continues at its current slow rate, in 2013 Santa might have to do with only one.

Either way… one Ho is better than no Ho.

Happy New Year!

Dirty Joke Movie

OMG... Some are bad, but some are really funny. 

I apologize if this offends anyone...

Definitely not Politically correct. 

And... some of these jokes I would never repeat. 

Please plug your ears on some and laugh at the others. 

 

 

What Is the Meaning Of Pressurization?

I try not to talk politics or religion in the cockpit. But sometimes there are things can't be passed up... especially if there is a plane involved. Seriously I can't make this stuff up.

Romney Doesn’t Understand Why You Can’t Roll Down Windows On A Plane

By Annie-Rose Strasser on Sep 24, 2012 at 2:05 pm

On Monday, Mitt Romney offered a remedy to the problem that caused his wife’s airplane to land prematurely last week: Allow passengers to roll down the airplane windows.

Ann Romney’s plane was grounded Friday after the main cabin filled with smoke. The small electrical fire caused no injuries, but apparently did cause the Presidential candidate to forget the dangers of altitude.

“When you have a fire in an aircraft, there’s no place to go, exactly,” he told the LA Times. “And you can’t find any oxygen from outside the aircraft to get in the aircraft, because the windows don’t open. I don’t know why they don’t do that. It’s a real problem.”

Maybe we should explain to Romney about the lack of oxygen at altitude, and the concept of pressurization. Or we could send him out on a private jet and let him open the door for the big picture concept. They say it's worth a thousand words.

How to Deal with Passgengers...

An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in  Denver for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with  a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo. For all of you out there  who have had to deal with an irate customer, this one is for you!

A  crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was re-booking a  long line of inconvenienced travelers.

Suddenly, an angry passenger  pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, "I  HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."

The agent  replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to  help these folks first; and then I'm sure we'll be able to work something  out."

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the  passengers behind him could hear, “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I  AM?"

Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public  address microphone.  "May I have your attention, please?", she began, her  voice heard clearly throughout the terminal.

"We have a passenger here  at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS.  If anyone can help him find his  identity, please come to Gate 14".

With the folks behind him in line  laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth,  and said,  "F***  you".
 

Without flinching, she smiled and  said,  "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to get in line for that,  too."

Sexual Advisor to the Captain

Last week on a layover I had someone ask me in the bar, what I did.
I said, "I'm a pilot."

"What? You're the captain?"

"No, the first officer."

"So you're not the pilot?"

"I am a pilot."

"But I thought you said you weren't the captain."

"The first officer is a pilot too. Both the first officer and the captain are pilots."

"I know what a captain does, but what does a first officer do?"

Oh God. Seriously?  I'd been drinking a little bit so I told him, "The first officer is the sexual adviser to the Captain."

He said, "What?" Choking on his drink, and spraying me.

I smiled sweetly, and wiped my face with the back of my hand. "Yeah," I said. "The Captain always says, 'If I want any fucking advice from you, I'll ask for it!"

Airline Profit Center

First food. Then luggage. What next? Another Airline Profit Center is in the wind...

From reliable sources... Airbus and Boeing are conducting feasibility studies on building the next generation airplanes with pay lavatories. What once was operated with coins, the new doors will be designed with the utilization of credit card machines.

The current challenge appears to be with Federal Aviation Administration certification process and the price. While some inspectors are under the assumption that urgency and whether or not the person needs to take a dump, or just pee, should be addressed. Regardless, we can assure you that we will never see the 10 cent rates as we did in the old days. Anticipate $1.99 for entry. What you do inside is your option.

 

Piggy-backing is prohibited and will be monitored. 

If you intend on having friend join you, 
your card will be charged double.

For emergency access, or to see what the couple ahead of you are doing in there together, you can unlock the lavatory by lifting the metal thingy and sliding the bar beneath.

Pay Toilets... just another way the airlines are here to serve you.

Customer Service

One of my good friends is a Boeing instructor. She just sent me this message concerning a really screwed up way to run a business.


Delta Air Lines lost her bag... Expensive ticket... and the baggage manager argued with her over reimbursement of a $9 parking ticket.

All she wanted was $9 for her parking.

The manager said she could not pay her for parking, because they didn't have a process to do that. But they were willing to send her bags to Canada.... Doesn't make sense to me.


"My ticket was nearly $8,000.00 US issued through Boeing travel.  My routing home was Baku Paris Amsterdam Seattle.  Both my connections were greater than 2 hours. 


I spent 3 hours there waiting for the bag after it was not expedited properly as the tag was clearly labeled. The bags did not get transferred to the Amsterdam flight in Paris. 


If they were not able to get my bag to me Saturday afternoon they would have had to expedite it to me via a Kenmore air charter to the Princess Louisa Inlet, where I was headed. The charter would have cost them from 3,000 to $5,000.00.  Kind of short sighted of the manager not to realize that I was asking very little to make the situation outcome work best for both of our benefit.


This is the photo of the baggage customer service rep, Aurich, who tried to help with my lost bag and reimbursement for my 9 dollar parking fee. She gave me 10 dollars to cover the parking when her manager Georgina Murphy was not helpful or willing to figure out how to reimburse me for parking. 

 Aurich also gave me a meal voucher while I waited.  

It was clear to me Aurich was more qualified then either of the two supervisors acting as managers both  from a customer and employee stand point.  I hope they consider Aurich for promotion in they near future as I observed her as the most effective employee in the baggage office during my encounter over two days. "  K.S.

I'm thinking that Delta should give huge kudos to Aurich for doing the right thing. And... maybe create a procedure for management to think outside the box a little. I know the Boeing instructors get to choose what airlines they travel on, and these aren't cheap tickets. 


Message from me: 

Airlines, it is time to do a little sucking up to your customers. Not fight them for parking after they've been inconvenienced because you lost their bags. I'm just sayin.... 

What is wrong with this picture?